*** I was almost starting to care
about that Canadian figure skating controversy. But then I realized:
Hey, I'm not gay!
*** The only Winter Olympic event I'm
into is the Women's Speed Skating. I've always liked fast women.
*** Why is everyone so upset about
that Georgia crematory with the shed full of uncremated dead bodies? I
mean, who among us hasn't let our work pile up on us?
*** If you take the money and the dead
body and promise a cremation but don't do it --- would it be fair to
say you've stiffed people?
*** Kinda makes the guy sound like an
*** I know it sounds horrible. But in
his defense, he didn't make the dead bodies he just stacked them.
*** Here's the Jayson Williams
play-by-play: "He Shoots! He Kills!"
*** Rosie O'Donnell has a new book
coming out. And, no, that's not the title.
*** In the book she tells the world
she's gay. So, I'm guessing the title's "Am I The Only One Who Didn't
*** The animatronic George W. Bush
made its official debut at Walt Disney World this week. If the Bush
robot's in Disney World, who's running the country?
*** And when I say "running the
country" I really mean "being our national hood ornament". We all know
who really runs things. Damn those Olsen Twins.
*** Doesn't Disney World already have
*** The House OK'd a campaign finance
reform bill that would outlaw "soft money". I guess this means that all
future bribes will only be accepted in quarters, nickels and dimes.
*** Hitler's secretary died this week.
One of the few people to have ever taken dictation from an actual
*** Did you hear about the two gay
guys who were having sex in an airplane bathroom? It set off all kinds
of terrorist alerts when all they were doing was crack. Each others.
*** Britney Spears and boyfriend
Justin Timberlake are planning to do a remake of "Love Story". If I
remember correctly, in the original film the girl dies. I'm thinking a
lot people will be lining up to see Timberlake croak.
*** Love may mean never having to say
you're sorry, but a "Love Story" remake sounds like the apologizing
should start now.
*** Burt Reynolds will play God on
"The X-Files". The first Act of God? Get a new agent. And then? A new
*** Country great Waylon Jennings is
dead. First he lost his foot, now he's lost his life. Is this guy
careless, or what?
*** "Futurama" has been cancelled.
Gee, I wonder if Bender will go on a drinking binge.
*** CNN has cancelled "Greenfield at
Large". I guess they finally caught him.
*** A new study says that people who
sleep less live longer. And people who wake people up when they're
sleeping die sooner.
*** You know, I'd really much rather
be a smart-ass than a dumb-ass. Is there some kinda correspondence
course I can take?
*** By the way, smart asses prefer
Marcal. It's "Now Softer!"
*** At this point in time the only
people who can still blame all their problems on 9/11 are people whose
birthday is September 11th.
*** Some people say "lay" some people
say "lie", but when it comes to Kenneth it doesn't matter. We know who
*** Lastly, anyone rushing to sign up
for mlife should first consider getting alife.
And, that’s that.
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