*** Is it Student Hunting season
again? Already? Me, personally, I've given
it up lately. I don't think it's in my best interest to hunt something
*** I think the reason everyone's so
upset with this Andy Williams character
from Santee, California is: first, they think he's that singer, or at
least related to
him; and secondly, he was hunting without a license.
*** They're still discussing whether
or not he should be tried as an adult.
Isn't that pedophilia?
*** Maybe I'm just an old fogey but I
can remember the good old days when
troubled teens just killed themselves and didn't try to take everyone
*** If teachers would only stop
grading on a curve maybe it wouldn't be
just the best and brightest who get shot at. Maybe a dork or two would
be taken out
*** So, why does everyone keep calling
these events "School
Shootings"? Only some of the bullets seem to end up lodged in the
*** I blame violence in the media.
Every time they air a story about one of
these shootings another teen somewhere gets a gun and an agent and
looking for some TV coverage.
*** In other seems like a rerun news,
Dick Cheney had another heart episode.
Just five more and he can start syndicating these suckers.
*** New research has discovered that
every cigarette a person smokes has the
potential to trigger a fatal heart attack. This is real bad news for
Cheney. With all the people constantly blowing smoke up his ass, he's
heartbeat away from ending up in his own crush-proof box.
*** The Supreme Court has ruled that
the KKK can adopt any highway they
want to. I think this is a great ruling. As soon as these dumb-asses
that all highways are black they'll lose interest completely.
*** Sen. Robert Byrd-Brain used the
N-word during a Fox News interview
last weekend. This has upset many people and that I can't understand.
because he's 83 years old he can't talk about Napster?
*** No, I'm just funning. The actual
N-word was nigger. The apology/excuse
issued on his behalf was basically just, "He's 83." Interesting. I'll
bet the excuse for all the stupid things he did last year was, "He's
82." I sense this has been a life-long problem for Sen. Byrd-Brain.
"He's 2. He just doesn't know any better." Give me and everyone else a
break and just retire. Or die. Your choice.
*** I've gotta figure this "Naked
Wife" virus caused a lot less
damage than that Anna Kornakova virus did. True, the "naked" part had
me hooked, but that "wife" part got me so nauseous by the time I'd
gotten back to my computer I'd completely forgotten about it.
*** The Bette Midler Show was
cancelled this week. Half the gay men
in this country have been down on their knees ever since this was
Some haven't even heard the sad news yet.
*** Scary Spice has left the Spice
Girls to pursue her solo career. Gee, I
always thought the Spice Girls were so low you couldn't get any lower.
they can work out all their differences and get back together while
seem to care. Oops, too late.
*** Did you hear about the Toy Story
doll that says "clitoris"?
It's true. Apparently, Jessie, Woody's girlfriend, asks, "Have you seen
clitoris?" And now you know why they call him Woody.
*** Under new guidelines, gay couples
who have sex in public places (rest
areas, beaches, parks, etc.) in Massachusetts will no longer be charged
long as the activity is adequately hidden from view. This is part of
Massachusetts policy, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Show, Don't Even
Know What You're Doing. You're Making Us Sick. Enough Already."
*** Why does every film critic in the
country seem to think they're
enlightening people by telling us that the title of "Fifteen Minutes"
comes from an Andy Warhol quote? Doesn't everybody already know that?
He was in
the bathroom with a particularly voluminous episode of diarrhea when
knocked on the door. He said, "I'll be out in fifteen minutes."
Everyone's heard that story, right?
*** Kevin Artz from Jackson, Michigan
will be standing trial for murdering
his wife and has been charged with cutting her up and cooking her. He's
picked out his last meal: her leftovers.
*** Camryn Manheim had a baby this
week. Now she can go back to eating for
*** According to a U.S. eye doctor
there have been at least five men
diagnosed with permanent vision loss after taking Viagra. Didn't these
enough to find partners before taking Viagra? Masturbation has been
centuries to cause blindness. What rock have these guys been
*** Dennis the Menace turned 50 this
past week. He celebrated by getting a
prostate exam, plucking out his gray pubes and then getting together
pal Joey to frolic in a Massachusetts rest area. They topped off the
tossing water-filled condoms at Mr. Wilson. Boys will be boys, even at
*** Disney is paying $350 million for
the rights to Winnie the Pooh.
That's an awful lot of money for Pooh. I'd sell them whatever I make
that. Less than half that. Cab fare home. Anything. Make me an offer.
to get rid of this shit.
*** A lesbian in Australia
successfully sued a butcher for selling her a
bone shaped like a penis. She won $4,500 and the butcher was ordered to
again sell penis-shaped bones without some sort of strap-on device.
*** 20,000 sex workers are expected to
attend the prostitute conference in
Calcutta. The sex workers will share their experiences and the problems
face. Imagine that. 20,000 hookers all talking about me.
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