*** If Governor Jeb Bush really wants
us to believe he didn't have an
affair why did he come out and deny it? It's not like we don't know
politician. Their word is as good as a busted condom. And just as
likely to hold
*** How long till the incriminating
stains show up? I love that part.
*** President Bush has set a new
policy that no man can enter the Oval
Office without a tie and jacket. The pants-optional policy of the
administration remains in effect. You just better be wearing a tie and
*** While in Poland, someone threw an
egg at Bill Clinton. Why did the
Pollack throw an egg at Bill Clinton? To go with his sperm.
*** In other Bill Clinton news, Queen
Elizabeth is considering him for
knighthood. That ceremony would mark the first time Bill Clinton was on
knees and the woman was standing.
*** The Louisiana House has condemned
Charles Darwin and all teaching of
evolution. I always thought the saying was, "Those who can't, teach."
I guess in Louisiana you can't do either.
*** The price of gas has gone up so
much I thought I was filling up at
*** Brad Renfro, who starred in "The
Client", was arrested once
again. This time for underage drinking. Did this guy fall so in love
part in "The Client" that he wants to spend the rest of his life being
a lawyer's client? If so, whatever you're doing is working.
*** There's panic in India over
attacks being carried out by a
four-foot-tall ape-like creature dubbed the "Monkey Man". This raises
an interesting question: Where in the world was Matt Lauer while all
*** Vatican Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger
has advised Catholics not to
masturbate after a three year study of a pro-masturbation priest's
I've got a few questions: First, why did it take three years? Anyone
a whack at this would've come much quicker to a decision. Second, isn't
pro-masturbation priest better for their overall image than all those
pro-pedophilia ones you keep hearing about? And lastly, since when is
to do your own thing?
*** The Supreme Court has ruled
against the medical use of marijuana. I
called the Supreme Court to talk to Justice Souter about this, but all
saying was, "Dave? Dave's not here, man!" Well, if we can't use it for
medical reasons, can we at least still use it to get high?
*** Timothy McVeigh's execution has
been postponed in light of recently
uncovered FBI documents pertaining to the case. I'm thinking FBI must
for Filed By Idiots.
*** About the litigious Miss Columbia?
Finally, a Columbian import that
people wanna do that won't require rolling papers, a spoon, or a
*** Belinda Carlisle, lead singer of
the Go-Go's, has posed nude for
Playboy at age 42. How did they get those lips unsealed? And why did it
*** Emeril Lagasse, the TV chef, will
star in his own sitcom this fall.
Two episodes --- Bam! --- Cancelled!
*** Professional Hippie Wavy Gravy
turned 65 this week. "Don't take
the brown Metamucil, man!"
*** The NRA kicks off its in annual
convention in Kansas City today. They
expect 40,000 gun enthusiasts over the weekend. They were expecting
Robert Blake's wife had to cancel.
*** O.J. Simpson told "Extra" this
week that he had some advice
for Robert Blake. "Don't watch TV. Don't say anything negative about
wife. Don't take a lie detector test. Oh, and, next time --- use a
*** New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's
estranged wife Donna Hanover has
refused to leave Gracie Mansion, official home of the mayor. She's also
to allow any further visits from the mayor's girlfriend Judi Nathan.
sure, but I think O.J. might have some advice for the mayor.
*** Author Douglas Adams died this
week. Well, that's the end of life, the
universe, and everything for that guy. So long, and thanks for all the
*** Singer Perry Como died this week.
How could they tell? Actually, I
bring this up just to ask: Was his wife a Como-sexual? It's just
*** Jennifer Lopez was voted sexiest
woman in the world by British men's
magazine FHM. I've never heard of FHM. It must stand for Full Hieney
*** General Mills has announced that
they may come out with a 100 %
natural Twinkie made of all organic ingredients. Who is this for?
conscious people who don't care what they eat.
*** An upcoming issue of "Sixteen"
magazine will feature a
pin-up of Regis Philbin. "Who Wants To Be Nauseous?"
*** Tickets to see Madonna in concert
are going for as much as $250. And
yet people are still calling Madonna a "cheap" slut.
*** I'm really glad that writer's
strike was averted. I'd end up getting a
job as a scab and have to stand in a Don't-Pick-It Line.
And, that’s that.
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