*** Vermont Senator Jim Jeffords has
finally made a name for himself in
the Republican Party: Doody Head.
*** He's left the Republican Party to
become an Independent. He was
considering the Democratic Party, but he just didn't feel he was horny
*** This move breaks up the 50/50
split in the Senate, but everything else
in the Senate will continue to suck just the same.
*** It makes sense that he'd leave the
Republican Party. After all,
wouldn't you leave a party if you were surrounded by right-wing nut
*** Charlton Heston, for the fourth
time elected president of the NRA
said, "You'll have this presidency when you can pry it from my cold,
hands, you damn dirty apes."
*** Pearl Harbor was released in movie
theaters today. How did this film
sneak up on us?
*** Janet Reno is considering a run
for Governor of Florida. That's one
way to insure there won't be any bush in the governor's mansion.
*** A Canadian survey reports that two
out of three people would rather
shower with a celebrity than with their partner. And with Robert
Downey, Jr and
Robert Blake possibly heading off to prison it looks like a lot of
get their wish.
*** Barbara Walters is upset with ABC
television for switching
"20/20" from Fridays to Wednesdays. I'm a little upset too. Now I've
gotta remember not to watch on Wednesdays instead of not watching on
sucks to be me.
*** Bob Dylan turned 60 this week.
Dylan once said, "he not busy
being born is busy dying". Have you seen Dylan lately? From the looks
things, this is one busy guy.
*** Once again there's talk of banning
the use of cell phones while
driving. At least that's what the phone sex lady was telling me on my
*** Monica Lewinsky wants her stained
dress back. Did stains all of a
sudden come back in style? Or, did she gain all that weight back?
*** In other Monica news, the Vac-Tron
vacuum cleaner company is selling a
new model called Monica II. I hear the replacement bags are real cheap,
*** The British magazine Country
Living has published photos of eligible
bachelors to try to lure young women back to the countryside. This is a
needed public service, what with that hoof and mouth disease killing
off all the
*** Al Sharpton says he wants to run
for president as a Democrat in 2004.
George W. Bush has become his first campaign donator.
*** The manuscript of Jack Kerouac's
"On The Road" sold for $2.2
million at auction this week. I don't know what the guy who bought this
"On the Road" sells for $10.36 at Amazon, $19.96 for the hardcover.
What a dumb ass.
*** President Bush was given an
honorary law degree by Yale this week.
Isn't that his second honorary degree from Yale?
*** AOL will be raising its
subscription rate by $1.95. This will help
offset the postage increase for mailing out all those disks.
*** Did you hear about that Florida
guy who killed his wife because she
would not stop washing her hands? True, it's a tragic story. But on the
side she's no longer washing her hands all the time.
*** Sylvester Stallone told an
interviewer, "I build my body to carry
my brain around." Do you need muscles that big to carry around
*** Did you hear about that woman who
bit off her rapist's testicles? I
guess it's true what they say: when it comes to nuts, you can't eat
*** You know what they call that guy's
pants now? The Make Believe Ball
*** Boy George has released a cook
book. There's no boiling, no broiling,
no roasting. Just flaming.
*** VH1 will be making an original
feature "MC Hammer", based on
the life of the rapper. "You Can't Watch This!"
*** Firestone is ending its 95-year
relationship with the Ford Motor
Company. This is the worst bust up since --- well, since their tires.
*** The American Film Institute gave
Barbra Streisand a lifetime achievement
award. I'm hoping that's there way of telling her, "Enough Already!"
*** Monday is Memorial Day. A day put
aside to honor our dead. Does this mean
even necrophiliacs get the day off?
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