*** MTV's Jackass has been cancelled.
Where will tomorrow's teens find the inspiration for the day after
*** Two members of the rap group
"Junior M.A.F.I.A." were arrested for their involvement in a NYC
shooting. So, I'm guessing they have a new CD out, right?
*** Remember before rap, when "Number
One With a Bullet" meant a record was selling well and not that the
group just started its promotional tour?
*** According to a new survey six in
ten Americans say that all cloning should be banned. The other four in
ten can't wait to be cloned so they can win this poll next time.
*** A new study shows that snacks and
junk food may be bad for you eyesight. That must explain why fat chicks
are always asking, "Do these pants make me look fat?"
*** Did you hear about that British
guy who made love to a lamp-post? It's true. David Pithers was so
desperate for sex he pulled his trousers down to his ankles, wrapped
his arms around the 30 foot pole and rubbed himself up and down. This
would've gone a lot easier for him if he just waited till nightfall.
Then, at least, the lamp would've been turned on too.
*** Some guy paid $761.51 for a lock
of Edgar Allan Poe's hair on e-bay this past week. Quoth his wife,
*** Prince Charles has gotten his
mom's okay to marry Camilla Parker Bowles. I guess it's true what they
say: Every dog has her day.
*** Rush Limbaugh is in negotiations
with CNN to host his own talk show. Which leads me to only one
conclusion: CNN is a Big Fat Idiot.
*** There's a "Facts Of Life" reunion
TV movie soon to be shown on an actual TV network. This is about twenty
years and 500 pounds past anyone's interest.
*** Did you hear about that Missouri
pharmacist who was arrested for diluting chemotherapy drugs? Robert
Courtney is accused of diluting prescriptions for Taxol and Gemzar. Ask
you doctor about diluted Taxol and Gemzar today.
*** Two U.S. companies are attempting
to clone chickens on a huge scale. I'm guessing with eleven herbs and
spices no one will be the wiser.
*** There's a U-Haul truck shortage in
San Francisco. Apparently about 3,000 trucks have left SF, one way, in
the past three months. Gee, and I thought everyone in San Francisco
went both ways.
*** Rich McGinn, ex-CEO of Lucent, was
given $12.5 million in severance pay after having been fired. It would
cost me an arm and a leg, literally, to get that kind of severance pay.
The only thing I ever got after being fired was a restraining order.
*** The Pope has apologized to all the
young boy choir members who, throughout the centuries, have been
castrated to preserve their beautiful young singing voices. Not many
people realize that this is a practice that had been going on until
very recently. In fact, a spokesperson for the Backstreet Boys said,
*** In all fairness, to admit your
mistakes and apologize for them does take a lot of balls.
*** Sinead O'Connor got married this
week. When the Pope heard about it he ripped up the marriage
*** Did you hear about that guy in
Thailand who, to protest lousy treatment at his bank, covered himself
in human feces before returning to the bank to close his account?
Funnily enough, he was still treated like shit.
*** Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein has
written an autobiographical musical. Who'd go to see a musical about a
singing, dancing dictator?
*** Drew Carey had a heart operation
this week. And this is news? Since when does a health scare for a
Cleveland, Ohio department store middle manager rate as news? I'd much
rather hear about over-paid baseball players.
*** Barry Bonds hit his 50th home run
this past week. This has fueled speculation among many sportscasters
that Bonds is indeed a good baseball player.
*** I think if Captain Corelli gave
just two mandolin lessons he'd make more money than "Captain Corelli's
*** A new survey reveals that 22% of
U.S. teens don't know from what country we declared our independence.
That's amazing. True, many of them were still in diapers when it
happened, but still ---.
*** Did you know that there are still
14 states in this country where it's illegal to perform heterosexual
fellatio? Now that really sucks. What two people do in the privacy of
each other's mouth should be none of the government's business.
*** I think I can predict all the
winners of Teen Choice Awards this year: Crap, More Crap, and 'N
You can E-mail
Uncle Herbie by
here for more Uncle
Compact Discs anywhere Click Here