*** ABC scored huge ratings with that
Gary Condit/ Connie Chung interview. It was nice to see Wang and Chung
back together again.
*** I don't think Condit was very
forthcoming in the interview. He would only admit to having a "close"
relationship with Chandra Levy. So close at times they were no more
than four inches apart.
*** Did you see that guy standing
right behind Condit throughout the interview? The guy with the fire
extinguisher? He was there just in case Condit's pants caught on fire.
*** I know Gary Condit probably spends
a lot of time on his hair. So, how come I get the same look just by
*** Condit told People magazine, "My
wife and children know I'm not a perfect man." When did they start
watching the news?
*** Remember that big U.S. budget
surplus? Well, it's gone. And I hear Gary Condit was the last one to
*** This Powerball Lotto is now up to
$280 million. How many newscasters do this story and then throw it back
to the anchor saying, "That's a Lotto money. Back to you, Steve."
*** Why is everyone so surprised about
this Game Card fraud at McDonald's? Haven't they been trying for years
to pass those French fries off as food?
*** There haven't been this many shark
attacks in Florida since right after the election. When all those
lawyers showed up.
*** Even with PriceLine.com it can
still cost an arm and a leg to vacation in Florida.
*** Comedian A. J. Johnson was charged
with third-degree assault for throwing a glass at a woman in the
audience and then swinging the microphone and hitting her friend in the
head. This answers the age-old question: How does a prop comic handle a
*** TV producer Aaron Spelling is
resting comfortably after undergoing radiation therapy for a lesion in
his throat. Isn't it ironic that a guy whose had his finger down the
throat of the American public would have throat problems? Let's hope
the radiation treatments make it almost impossible for him to say,
"Great idea. Let's do it."
*** Brazil is preparing to throw out a
1916 civil code that allows a man to annul his marriage if he finds his
bride is not a virgin. I think most men now would be alarmed to find
out there wife is a virgin. Any woman "saving" herself these days can't
be drawing any interest.
*** AOL is expected to lay off up to
1,700 employees this week. I guess they'll be changing their name to
*** Justin Timberlake is now comparing
'N Sync to Nirvana. Somebody ought to stand behind that boy with a
catcher's mitt. When this thing's over there's gonna be brains
everywhere. Can you imagine what that would fetch on e-bay?
*** Ben Stiller says that he's manic
depressive. Don't fret, Ben. Every show biz career has its ups and
*** I don't know what you've heard
about the "Katie Holmes stalker", but I just want to set the record
straight. I've never called her dad, never written any letters, and
never discussed our impending nuptials with anyone. I just stand around
my house with my pants off waiting for her to show up. Hey, it worked
with Anne Heche.
*** Will Smith is all set to star in a
remake of the Dolly Parton movie "Nine to Five." Funnily enough, nine
to five are the odds against me ever going to see this.
*** Sarah Michelle Gellar apparently
nixed boyfriend Freddie Prinze Jr.'s bare butt scene from the upcoming
movie "Summer Catch". What an ass! And I'm sorry we all won't get to
*** Eight out of ten Swedish women say
they're not getting enough sex. And I'm not having enough sex with
Swedish women. If that Swedish Bikini Team wants to parachute by my
house next week, I'll be there with my pants off. Waiting for Katie
Holmes, true, but a guy's gotta do something to kill time.
*** It's now been declared
unconstitutional for the state of California to tell topless dancers
that they can't touch themselves. The ruling states that this falls
under "free expression". If that's "free" expression, then I'm paying
way too much for drinks at these places.
*** Are you like me, when you're
watching a stripper do you sometimes dress her with your eyes?
*** If those people protesting the
movie "Bubble Boy" really don't want people to see it they should start
mailing everyone copies of the reviews.
*** NASA is ending its satellite
mission to keep tabs on the hole in the Earth's ozone layer because
they can't afford the $10 million-a-year bill. It now behooves each and
every American to do everything we can to make that ozone hole so big
we can all keep tabs on it ourselves. So, give a hoot. Go out and
*** According to a new report more
than half of all college students drop out rather than graduate.
Proving, once and for all, that not everyone can handle their liquor.
*** Lastly, if you rearrange the
letters in "Pearl Harbor" you get "Rehab Parlor". And you'll find Ben
Affleck in both.
You can E-mail
Uncle Herbie by
here for more Uncle
Compact Discs anywhere Click Here