*** The first Presidential Debate was
held this past week. I'd have
something to say about it if I could've stayed awake during it. Death
couldn't have put me out like these guys did. Every time I'd get up to
hourly, even during my best night's seep), I'd hear Al Gore talking
"lock box". Is he proposing legislation about chastity belts?
*** And the first Vice Presidential
debate was held on Thursday. I wasn't
about to miss the season premiere of "Charmed" for this, especially
since the ads kept promising Barenaked Ladies. Maybe it happened when I
blinking, but I didn't see any nudity. Did you? Was it Alyssa Milano?
*** Charlie Sheen is now boasting that
he's slept with 5,000 women.
Rounding off that's roughly 5,000 more than I have. If you were to take
good looks, his money, and his fame --- he'd still get laid more than I
give him crippling, oily diarrhea, flaky skin, and the personality of a
and he'd still get laid more than me. I'm pathetic.
*** Charlie Sheen's Pick Up
--- "Have we met before? No? Let's
--- "Now serving number
"I can get you in to see President
--- "Why are you
--- "How much?"
*** The best new TV show? "The Sexiest
Bachelor in America". I
figure if this one runs for about ten years they'll eventually run out
hunks and I might stand a chance. I just hope that whole "being
married" thing doesn't get in the way.
*** Hollywood is now apologizing for
its mismarketing of movies to kids.
Especially that Alec Baldwin "Thomas The Tank Engine" movie.
*** According to their very own sales
tracking, 40% of all the panties
sold at Victoria's Secret are thongs. 99% of these are bought by men,
1% are bought by near-sighted women who think they're buying dental
*** A Message To Mark David Chapman:
"Imagine there's no parole, it's
easy if you try." They won't even let the guy out on weekends to go
*** A man dressed as a pirate fell
from the Empire State building. Faye
Wray was unharmed, having been safely hooked up to a life-support
system in a
California hospital at the time.
*** When Pat Buchanan speaks we all
must listen. His latest proclamation:
"Voters need alternatives." Yes, they do. As many alternatives as
possible to Pat Buchanan.
*** Ousted Yugoslavian President
Slobodan Millajovovich (you try spelling
it right) wants to remain in politics. Looks like the Reform Party
might have a
*** Illinois Reverend John Earl was
arrested after crashing his car into
an abortion clinic and then chopping away at the building with an ax.
this only after asking himself, "What would Jesus do?"
*** Is it just me, or can you not have
a rational conversation with anyone
wearing a "WWJD" piece of jewelry? I, myself, wear a "WWJDSD"
bracelet. It stands for "What Would J.D. Salinger Do?" According to
that book his daughter wrote he'd probably run away and hide while he
own urine. That works for me. It's a better outcome than crucifixion.
*** Boston Bruins hockey player Marty
McSorley was found guilty of hitting
that other hockey player over the head with his hockey stick. He was
from the team and put on 18 months probation. Despite this, Jason
remains the team's goalie.
*** Price Line stocks are plummeting.
Looks like William Shatner's new
mission is to boldly go broke like no man has gone before.
*** Basketball player Allen Iverson
wants to be a rapper in the worst way.
(All rappers seem to want that.) He just recorded a CD, and he's
it. He says there're lyrics that insult women and gays, and other
might seem to promote violence and gunplay. Is this an apology, or the
his promotional tour?
*** Lastly, a new study says that 83%
of Americans have graduated from
high school. The other 25% of us write columns on the internet.
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