*** Ratings for the second episode of
"The Presidential Debates"
were down considerably from the first. Expect this show to be the first
cancellation of the new TV season. I predict it will be gone by
*** Dr. Laura has apologized to the
gay community for anything hateful she
might have said. She's gone from being homo-phobic to homo-phony. Who's
this shit? If she's still talking, she's still spewing hate. I say we
her lips together and let her talk out of her ass. Wait, I think she
already be doing that.
*** The Dr. Seuss musical, "Seussical"
is set to open. I will
not be there opening day --- I will not be there 'cause it looks too
*** Regis Philbin has a new book out,
"Who Wants To Be Regis?".
Publishers expect the sales to peak at two copies. One to Pat Sajak,
one to Alex
*** Rosie O'Donnell says that she will
stop doing that talk show of hers.
That's the good news. The bad news? Her contract doesn't expire for two
*** 7-11 is now offering their own
line of cosmetics. Is this an all-out
push to get more women and drag queens to start holding them up?
*** Richard Gere says that if he could
be any woman in the world he'd want
to be Madeline Albright. I really don't think he's man enough for it. I
figure he thinks that the only way to get into Madeline Albright's
pants is to
be Madeline Albright. Either that or she's got a great-looking pet
*** In other Richard Gere news, he
plays Mr. T (a role Rob Schneider was
born to play) in this new movie "Mr. T and The Women". Sounds like
miscasting to me. I saw the previews and he wasn't wearing even one
I pity the poor fool who goes to see this movie.
*** I know why Cameron Diaz was posing
with her hand down her pants. She
had some leftover hair gel and wanted to style her pubes.
*** Assault charges have been dropped
against major-league has-been Rick
Springfield. The judge said it was impossible for "Rick Springfield"
and "hit" to appear together in any sentence that wasn't a lie.
*** David Dukes is dead. The
actor, not that Klan guy that keeps
running for office as I had originally hoped. Apparently, the Klan guy
his last name "Dukkkes." Keep checking the obits.
*** Attention Paula Jones Fans: Yes,
it's true. There will be a nude lay
out in the December Penthouse. That, and all those Santa getting laid
should keep me busy till New Year's.
*** Some new research has raised some
questions about the legitimacy of
men's claims about their sex partners. Interesting. The only question
partners ever raised was, "What's he gonna do with three blow-up dolls
*** The worst thing about this new
"Dark Angel" show is having
to clean all the cum off the screen when I'm done. A Tip For Fox Execs:
the name to "Touched By A Dark Angel" and watch the young male
audience swell. At least parts of them.
*** Winter is right around the corner
(actually two blocks down on the
left), and this can only mean one thing: endless news coverage about
cost of heating oil. Enjoy.
*** Lastly, Uncle Herbie's Video
Rental Tip: Reese Witherspoon is naked in
the movie "Twilight". Be kind to yourself and rewind for a second
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