*** Did you see those Cleveland Brown
fans throwing beer bottles at the refs? Those refs are so blind they
didn't know what hit them.
*** If this starts a trend and there's
now a riot every time your home team loses, then we might as well start
printing United States maps without Detroit.
*** Speaking of the Detroit Lions,
they finally won a game. This led many of their fans (okay, the three
guys left) to throw their bottles in the trash.
*** This Cleveland riot has led to the
widespread banning of bottled beer sales at many stadiums. Which makes
me wonder, are cans somehow less aerodynamic? I mean, you can still
take someone's eye out with a can, right?
*** If they outlaw beer bottles at
sporting events then only outlaws will have beer bottles. I think what
we really have to do is outlaw outlaws.
*** Some of those beer bottle throwers
have better arms than some pro quarterbacks. I really think they should
try out for the prison team when they get there.
*** At least the riot didn't end in
sudden death overtime.
*** Do you think cheerleaders have a
rhyming cheer for punts?
*** Why would Tom Green divorce Drew
Barrymore? I think it was all that "Riding in Cars With Boys" she was
*** I guess this officially puts Tom
Green out of the Drew Barrymore movie cameo business so he can now
focus all of his attention on "Freddy Got Fingered Again".
*** That makes this divorce the worst
show business disaster since, well, since "Freddy Got Fingered".
*** I like Drew Barrymore, but she's
gonna have to get fumigated before I'd even fuck her with my dog's dick.
*** I know, I know. There's a fat
chance I'll ever even meet Drew Barrymore. But on the plus side there's
also a thin chance.
*** Have I got this right? Did our
President cancel a BM treaty? Something smells here.
*** Everyone keeps asking, "Where's
Osama bin Laden? Where's Osama bin Laden?" I think he's hiding out with
*** Waldo is the Secret Service code
name for Dick Cheney.
*** Mike Tyson made news again. He's
accused of punching former boxer Mitchell Rose right after Mr. Rose
called Mr. Tyson's companions "chicken heads". Gentlemen, please! If
Mr. Tyson's companions were indeed "chicken heads", don't you think he
would've at least taken a bite out of them?
*** You know that expression "running
around like a chicken with its head cut off"? Do you think that only
refers to post-axe-swing activity? First time I heard it I thought it
meant the rooster was too tired, lazy, or busy to go down on the
*** By the way, which came first: the
chicken or the egg? I gotta figure it was the egg. Eggs are always
getting laid, but if you look at one you'd be hard-pressed to figure
out how he'd ever get a chicken off.
*** Oh, and that guy who recorded
"Funky Chicken", good old What's-His-Name, died this week. Just a side
note: "Funky Chicken" is what my wife calls the third day of leftovers.
*** Can you believe they made a movie
out of "Lord of the Dance" starring Elijah Wood and NOT Michael
Flatley? This is sacrilege of the highest order, my friends.
*** I can't wait to see that new "Lord
of the Ring" movie. Does "Ali" open this week or next week?
*** They just don't make toys like
they used to. Does anyone else remember "Frodo"? The African-American
*** Former "M*A*S*H" star Loretta Swit
will be starring in a London stage production of "The Vagina
Monologues". It's been so long since anyone's been interested in her
vagina that her new nickname is "Not-So-Hot Lips".
*** There's only four more days till
X-mas. So, you'd better Fed-Ex it if you want your anthrax get there in
*** Lastly, what would Jesus do to
celebrate X-mas? Probably just bitch and moan about getting just one
present for both his birthday AND X-mas.
And, that’s that.
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