*** If you really want to understand
terrorists --- try walking a mile in their exploding sneakers.
*** Do you think a guy wearing
exploding sneakers cares if his socks have holes in them?
*** I guess this Shoe-Bomb Guy was
getting tired of his Americanized little piggies always going to market
or going to town and finally decided they should all go to Allah.
*** No matter where this guy goes he's
always in a potential Toe-Away Zone.
*** Isn't there a smarter way to blow
up a plane full of people? Instead of the Maxwell Smarter way he chose.
*** Do you think as he was getting off
the plane the flight attendant still told him, "Watch your step."?
*** I think it was Socrates, or it
could've been some other wise dead guy, who said, "The journey of a
thousand miles begins with a single step. But if you're wearing
exploding sneakers parts of you can get there a lot quicker."
*** Maybe he's not a terrorist. Maybe
he was just trying to give himself a hot foot.
*** Women in high heels make me shoe
*** Our Fearless Leader, George W.
Bush, joined the American Lesion this week.
*** Bush had four lesions removed from
his face with liquid nitrogen. Liquid nitrogen?!! Isn't that the same
stuff Shoe-Bomb Guy had in his sneakers?
*** The lesions were then taken to an
undisclosed, secure location.
*** Doesn't "A Bush With Lesions"
sound like just about the best you can do after last call?
*** But don't worry. He's all right.
And so are his domestic and environmental policies.
*** Speaking of the Administration's
health concerns, isn't it about time for Dick Cheney's monthly heart
*** "Lord of the Rings" has proved to
be so popular there's even talk of a sequel. If they can only get that
Tolkein guy to write one.
*** It's surprisingly turned out to be
quite a date movie. A First Date movie for most, but still.
*** Every time I hear the word
"Elvish" I think it's a Presley fan with a lisp.
*** Paul McCartney has called on the
British government to ban fox hunting. He called it "cruel, unnecessary
and outdated." That's easy for him to say. As a Beatle he can get all
the foxes he wants. They'll even line up. Me? The closest I've ever
come to a fox was a dog.
*** Kevin Costner's Epiphany
restaurant celebrated its six-month anniversary. How long will that
have to stay open before it loses as much as any one of his last ten
*** Here's a last minute last minute
shopping tip for you. The world as we know it will end on August 1st,
2002 at precisely 8PM. So get in line no later than 7:50PM.
*** I plan to eat dinner New Year's
Eve at Taco Bell. Why buy a noise maker when you can make your own?
*** Be honest. When was the last time
you really had fun on New Year's Eve? If it weren't for all the
vomiting I don't think I'd have any fun at all.
*** I'm not sure what my New Year's
resolution will be this year. But next year I'm going right after that
*** Lastly, may Osama bin Laden's life
last as long as most New Year's resolutions.
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