Ten people locked in a house with cameras everywhere,
even in the bathroom. Hey, If wanna see someone taking a dump I’ll go visit
Mom at the Home.
*** So, the new Mexican president Vicente Fox says that
he’ll run Mexico like a business. He’ll burn it to the ground and collect
the insurance.
*** Brendan Fraser has just been signed to star as
“The Incredible Hulk”. That “Incredible Hunk” as “The Incredible
Hulk”. It sounds too good to be true. I just hope they can at least match the
special effects of the TV show. If so, I’m there opening day.
*** So, Sharon Stone says you won’t be
seeing her bush in “Basic Instinct 2”. What did she do --- shave it off?
*** The latest medical research says that drinking in
moderation is good for your health. Hey, I’ve been telling my friends for
years they should drink more if they want to be as healthy as I am.
*** I wet the bed last night. My goddamn colostomy bag
is leaking again.
*** Heinz announced plans to release a “green”
ketchup on the market. And they’re calling this “new”? Hell, I’ve had
the same bottle of green ketchup in my refrigerator for the past twenty years.
It’s right next to the blue mustard.
*** You’ll never catch my kids reading those Harry
Potter books. They’re retarded. I can’t even get them to read “Stop”
signs without needing a bookmark.
*** So, pop singer Mandy Moore says she wants to be real
famous but she won’t wear any skimpy outfits to get there. All I can say to
that is “Next!”
*** So, Bobby Brown just got released from jail.
Doesn’t this seem to happen every other month? He got time off for good
behavior. Maybe if he demonstrated some of that “good behavior” outside of
jail he wouldn’t have to go to jail in the first place. Oh, wait, I forgot ---
he’s black. He could get arrested just for breathing wrong during a yoga
class. Never mind.
*** So, Bryant Gumbel called a guest a “fucking
idiot”. Hey, Bryant, don’t you think you’re being a little harsh? I saw
the interview with Robert Knight from the Family Research Council. Clearly the
man is an asshole. But a “fucking idiot”? If he’s a fucking idiot, what
term do we use for Pat Buchanan?
*** Former game-show celebrity Charles Nelson Reilly
will be doing a one-man-show on Broadway based on his life in show-biz. This
show will close in “BLANK” days.
*** So, according to Spike Lee, “The Patriot” is an
inaccurate historical portrait because it has no slaves in it. Does that make
“Mandingo” a more accurate historical portrait because it has slaves in it?
Just asking.
