| *** So, Frederick’s of Hollywood is going out of
business. I guess now I’ll have to make my own edible panties.
I have to. The kids won’t eat anything else. Now, what’s
that recipe again?
“In the front there’s cream and Lemonade, Around the
back is where fudge is made.”
*** I went to see “Scary
Movie” expecting to be
scared out of my pants. What a huge disappointment! This movie has more
Wayans brothers in it than scares. On the plus side, my pants came off
*** What the hell am I supposed to do with all this
urine? Just a warning folks --- be careful what you wish for.
*** I won’t be going to see that
new “X Men”
movie. I prefer triple X films. And no “Men”, thank you
very much. Geez,
does everything have to be made for gays anymore?
*** I was at that Cher convention in
hundred of her thousands of fans were all waiting for Cher to show up.
good thing I’d remembered to shave my legs, ass, belly, and back.
impression was flawless, I believe. It’s too bad I’ll have
to wait about a
month, until that cut on my forehead heals, before I can do that again.
Goddamn flying dildos!
*** Hillary Clinton continues to deny
calling a former
campaign worker a “fucking Jew bastard”. Hey, I believe
her. I mean, how was
she supposed to know if his parents were married or not.
*** MTV has hired boy band 98 Degrees
to encourage young
people to vote. This raises two important questions: 1. Exactly when
voting age get lowered to twelve? and 2. Do we really want to encourage
members to vote?
*** So, they want to make it illegal
to use a cell phone
while driving. Can I still dry my hair, shave, eat, and masturbate
driving? If so, I’ll gladly make all my calls from home. No
*** Don Imus returned to the
airwaves for the first time
since his accident. He looks as good as ever. Break a leg, Don-man.
*** The House failed to pass an
Internet gambling ban
this week. Even if they do there’ll still be on-line gambling.
*** Kareem Abdul Jabar was arrested
for driving while
stoned. Now I know what they mean when they call him the
“highest” scorer in
*** All I keep hearing lately is
“Gore or Bush?”
“Gore or Bush?” Hey, can’t I just keep watching
movies with both sex and
violence. What a dumb question.
*** So, the Emmy nominations were
announced this week.
Eighteen nominations for “The Sopranos”, eighteen
nominations for “The
West Wing”, but not one nomination for “Cinemax After
Dark”. That’s some
of the finest five minutes of television I’ve ever seen.
*** Did you know that “The
Emmys” were named after
Emily Dickinson, the poet. It’s true. During a ten-year spell of
block she hosted the first of the great game shows, “Name That
Smell”. I was
even a contestant. I won a year’s worth of Turtle Wax. My turtle
*** Did you hear about the San
Francisco mother and son
that had a child together? Hey, don’t laugh. At least he was
getting some. The
closest I ever came to having sex with my mother was when she was
underwear while I was still wearing it.
And, that’s that.
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