| *** So, George W. Bush has picked Dick Cheney to be his
running mate. Does this surprise anyone? You knew he was gonna pick
some kind of
a dick, didn’t you?
*** Yeah, I’ve got a question to
ASK OJ: What’s it
like to work with Leslie Nielsen?
*** I started smoking two weeks ago and
I’m already up
to a carton a day. I’m hoping to get a really good cancer, one
have to rip out a lung or leave a hole in my neck. I’ve already
got a lawyer
on retainer --- so, COME ON, CANCER!
*** Kathie Lee Gifford, America’s
Sweetheart, has left
that morning show she’s been doing with Regis Philbin. Gee, I
she’ll put out a newsletter or start a website or something, so
that we can
keep up on the “exploits” of her children: Cody, Cassidy,
and the ones
making that clothing line of hers.
*** So, a Jerry Springer show guest was murdered this
week. How many are like me and think this is a good start?
*** So, a judge has ordered that NAPSTER
be shut down. I
guess it’s back to shoplifting for me.
*** I’ve got so much gas I’m
farting out my ears.
*** So, Joan Collins turned down an offer
to play Mrs.
Robinson in the London Stage production of “The Graduate”.
She said she’s
too old to do nudity. Hey, I’ve seen Joan Collins naked. She
looked like she
was wearing a corduroy body suit. Who would even know she was naked?
*** The ABC television network has begun advertising for
the “Norm” show in public bathrooms in New York and LA. In
they will continue to advertise for “Making The Band” on
toilet paper. Sort
of gives new meaning to the term “smear campaign”.
*** So, “Millionaire” groom Rick Rockwell was
attacked in his hotel room after a recent stand up comedy gig. I said
it to the
police then and I’ll say it here now: “I had nothing to do
with this. Sure I
was there, but I didn’t hurt him. His toenail just fell
off.” And, hey Rick,
if you think you’re getting that toenail back, forget about it.
It went for
$10 on E-Bay.
*** Just when you thought it couldn’t get any duller,
C-SPAN will be airing gavel to gavel coverage of the Republican
Convention next week. This answers the question: “What is the
*** So, Darryl Strawberry has cancer again. You know, I
really thought he could’ve licked that colon cancer, what with
having his head
up his ass for the last few years.
*** Did you hear about the mom who brought
11-year old girl for her son to rape? Can’t someone just kill
before she ends up on the Jerry Springer show?
And, that’s that.
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