| *** Did you hear about that woman doctor who smothered
her elderly parents to death? I knew the Menendez brothers had a
where did they get the second set of parents?
*** According to a new book Richard
Nixon was a drunk.
It’s been years since Nixon died and they’re still trying
to make him seem
*** Hey, Spencer Johnson --- I
didn’t move your
cheese, I just cut it. Leave me alone already.
*** I went to see that new cheerleader
movie, but the
Viagra didn’t start working until it was over. It just
wasn’t quite as
enjoyable as it could have been.
*** A stuntman died on the set of a
Steven Seagal movie.
Why can’t Steven Seagal be more like Jackie Chan and do his own
I’d sooner go to his funeral than any movie he was in.
*** Richard Mulligan is dying. The former
Nest” star is looking forward to his next project “Full
*** What exactly is the difference
“Whitey” and a “Cracker”? I can only assume
that a “Whitey”
doesn’t taste as good in soup.
*** The Pope has come out against human
cloning. He had
originally planned to come out in full support of human cloning until
he read in
the Enquirer about how bad that whole "Gallagher"/ "Gallagher
II" thing turned out. Enquiring Popes want to know.
*** Uncle Herbie’s Time Management
Tip #37: Don’t
waste time in the morning trying to decide which tie to wear. Just
noose around your neck and go to work shirtless.
*** What the hell has happened to New
are falling, rats are covering the ground, the sky is filled with West
bearing mosquitos, and Geraldo Rivera is running for mayor. Well, at
subways are still safe.
*** When your doctor runs out of tongue
he use his penis? Just asking.
*** Really, I’m just asking.
*** Once again this year I will be
helping to man the
phones at the Jerry Lewis telethon. Pledge early and often and maybe
we can finally put an end to Jerry Lewis.
*** A special shout out to Dick Hertz who
often than anyone else last year. Thanks, Dick.
*** Lastly, it’s Labor Day weekend.
The one time of
the year when we can stop working like a dog and kick back and lick our
asses like a dog. Enjoy!
And, that’s that.
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