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What's on My Mind? By Uncle Herbie 09-08-00

*** So, Georgie Bush called a New York Times reporter a "major league asshole". It takes one to know one.

*** Adam Chlymer, the reporter in question, responded to the remark by profusely thanking Georgie for the bump up to the major leagues. His first official act as a "major league asshole" was to come out in full support of Georgie Bush for president.

*** Georgie also said that he will debate Al Gore on a prime time "Meet The Press" even if Al Gore doesn't show up. That's my Georgie --- always has been and always will be a master debater.

*** Did you hear about those teens that killed that Chinese food delivery guy just to get out of paying him? Even worse, an hour later they wanted to kill again.

*** So, Mr. Scary Spice is divorcing his wife because she got breast implants. Hey, Jackass! You married a "Spice Girl"! That's short for "Spice Channel Girl"! What were you expecting?

*** To a constipated guy like me, a "shitload" just doesn't sound like a whole lot.

*** If they don't lower the age of consent soon, nobody's going to want to be a teacher.

*** According to his daughter, J.D. Salinger is a big proponent of urine therapy and often made his kids drink urine. If my dad did that to me I'd be pissed.

*** Doesn't "Richard Hatch" sound like a new euphemism for zipper?

*** Actor Brad Renfro (I'm not sure who he is either) tried to steal a yacht. "Is that a yacht in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Next time, Brad, wear bigger pants.

*** I've got something in common with those pre-historic Indian cannibals. I like Indian food too.

*** Hugh Hefner is now dating four women. You know what I call dating four women at the same time? "Menage a tired."

*** According to a US Postal Commission report, postal workers are no more likely to "go postal" than any other workers. The report went on to state that postal workers are "faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound." I'd still advise keeping them away from guns, bullets, and others.

*** Former Superman Christopher Reeve broke his leg while exercising. I thought all he could do was blink and breathe. It seems like that paralysis has turned out to be almost as bad as Kryptonite.

*** Lastly, according to a recent report, 29 million people have left the internet for good. To all 29 million of them I'd just like to say: "Goodbye, you bunch of big time major league assholes!"

And, that’s that.

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