*** A bunch of whackos (they prefer
the term "faithful") have
been flocking to a house in Perth Amboy, New Jersey to look at some
on a window. They claim that this condensation is in the image of the
Mary. Yes, and all clouds look like Santa Claus. All I can say is that
this poking, prodding, and laying on of hands she won't be a virgin for
*** Wisconsin conservative leader
Marvin Munyon has a message for all
parents: "Spank your children well." Wasn't that a Bing Crosby, Stills
and Nash song? He went on to demonstrate proper technique for a group
50 parents by spanking a teenage boy. Here's my message to all parents:
"Keep Marvin Munyon away from your kid's ass!"
*** Did you hear about this new book
"The Jesus Mysteries"? Now,
Jesus has always been one of my favorite fictional characters. And that
book featuring the character sold pretty well. But, I don't know ---
Jesus as a
detective? I don't think Mike Hammer has anything to worry about.
*** In honor of the re-release of "The
Exorcist" I've been
peeing all over my carpet and vomiting everywhere. I don't know what
use next week.
*** According to new research,
disposable diapers may be linked to male
infertility. No shit. Of course there's a link. Most men know that
eventually lead to seeing and handling a lot of disposable diapers
right at the
time they most need disposing.
*** RU486? Yes, IM486. I just hope it
doesn't encourage the anti-choice
nuts (I should say "extreme anti-choice nuts", they're all nuts) to
start gunning down pharmacists. And don't start picketing in front of
either. When I need my anti-diarrheal medicine, I need it now. If you
shoes you won't get in my way.
*** I went to Border's Books and Music
over the weekend. I saw this book
"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Wrestling". I was all set to buy it
when I spotted another book "Wrestling for Dummies". Now, I couldn't
figure out if I was a "Complete Idiot" or a "Dummy", so I
just put them both back on the shelf, paid for my Kathie Lee Gifford
*** I can't wait till they put out
"Ventriloquism for Dummies".
I really enjoy having the puppets arm up my butt, but so far Chuckles
been able to get me to say anything.
*** They say that the next president
could name up to three Supreme Court
justices. I'll bet if Bush wins he'd be lucky if he could name even
*** Former Canadian Prime Minister
Pierre Trudeau is dead. Who's gonna
draw "Doonesbury" now?
*** John Gotti has throat cancer. He
was sent to a prison hospital where
doctors expect to have those tumors whacked by next week.
*** Anna Nicole Smith was awarded
close to half a billion dollars of her
late husband's estate. Who knew there was this much money to be made
guys? I might even take it up again.
*** An autopsy was performed on that
guy that drove his van into Stephen
King. Police are pretty sure it was the autopsy that killed him, but a
suspicion remains. Already brought in for questioning: Annie Wilkes,
Torrance, and Carrie White. No word yet on when Cujo will give a
*** To celebrate the release of his
new CD, rapper Flesh-N-Bone was sent
to jail for 12 years for brandishing a gun during a fight with a
"friend". If he really wanted to insure sales of that new CD, he
should've figured out a way to die during that gunfight.
*** I was shocked to hear that Perry
Como is doing well after a brief
hospital stay. Shocked because I could've sworn I was at his funeral
*** Lastly, the big winner on "Big
Brother" was Eddie the
one-legged guy. He must be jumping for joy.
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